DO NOT TOUCH

Last night after work, I spent some time volunteering over at the Children's Bureau of Indianapolis -- a private, not-for-profit Indianapolis-based child and family services organization that supports and assists vulnerable and at-risk children and families. As we entered the security-tight building, one of my co-volunteers briefed me on the Bureau's protocols surrounding touching any of the children. She informed me that all forms of touch, from hugging at the end of the session to placing your hand on someone's back while providing directions or instructions, are strictly prohibited. Understanding that many of the kids in this particular facility come from highly dysfunctional homes, where touch is commonly associated with abuse, I completely understood and supported the policy.

As we started the activity (we were there to show the kids how to make and decorate their own tic-tac-toe game thingy like this one, only using small Tupperware containers rather than an Altoids tin), I was very deliberate about not touching any of the children... but as time went on I continually caught myself in the act of about to give someone a pat on the back or a helping hand in an innocent, yet according to policy, inappropriate way. At first I figured that the no-touch approach would be simple and easy. By the time I left the facility, I felt like a part of me wasn't left behind, and it was a sad sort of feeling. I had forgotten just how important touch can be, both negatively and positively.

Amazing when you think about it. I remember being a kid in the 70's and all of us where spanked until our bottoms were raw and our mouths were washed out with soap. I was spanked with wooden spoons, one of my mom's specialties. I grew up with the military so some kids actually got some really serious "whuppins" with belts. My teachers hugged us all the time. One even cried and hugged all us in a line up at the end of the school year because she would miss us so much.

In the end, I was spanked and hugged growing up and I along with everyone else I know, turned out fine from it. Those damn child molesters ruined everything. Now kids run the show and adults are wary of anything they do around kids. It's absolutely ridiculous.

It is a sad commentary that we have watch every step we take around children but the real thing I took from your "blog" was "How great are you brotha". Just you taking the time to go down there and volunteer is awesome. Please keep posting more of your volunteer endeavors. Your site is a wonderful vehicle to maybe spark an interest in people to do this type of thing.

I hear you Mikal. I just had a meeting with the Principal from New Vista High School and she reiterated that I am not to come across as a peer to the high school students. I know that there is clearly a boundary with the teacher/student relationship, but I want to create real, authentic friendships with my students, which I think is essential for a healthy learning environment. Unfortunately, there are too many instances of male, and female teachers for that matter, crossing the boundary and engaging in inappropriate relationships.

Muito legal o blog! ParabČns!

Yeah... what she said :)
Anyway you're doing a GREAT thing. I'm sure those kids are getting more than they usually do just with the verbal support.

The Brazillian said, "Very lawful the blog! Congratulations!" At least, according to FreeTranslation.com. It took me a moment to realize that he wasn't writing Spanish. Once I saw the .br, then I was off to the races.

Mikal, I think it's a great thing you are doing as well. I'm sure you remember your ropes course days when you had to be VERY careful about putting harnesses on students. Recently as last year, I was volunteering for City WILD and working with 'at risk' Denver youth. We took them climbing and rafting. The group was old enough to put on their own harnesses, but occaisionally butt staps (piece of webbing from back of harness to back of leg loops) were misconfigured. It can be a real pain to attempt to point and explain how that fabric should be arranged. With college students, I would just say, "Hey, there's something wrong with your harness. May I adjust a strap for you?" The adjustment can typically be made without touching the participant, but times have changed for better or worse.

Hey Christina, my mom was a mistress of the wooden spoon also! Worst beating I got was the day she dropped it, it broke, and I laughed.

My parents shouldn't have beaten me. No one should beat kids. But, there was a difference between what my parents beleived they were trying to accomplish (and Christina's) and what abusers are trying to accomplish. My parents were trying to raise good kids. Abusers are trying to make the kids feel less than human. So, Mikal, you don't have to touch them - hug or pat them - you just have to make them feel human, like kids, and you did. You gave them an evening without yelling or hurting or danger or nastiness. You left something good behind.

Agree Leigh... there is a difference between a disciplinary "spanking" and a full-blown abusive beating.

A couple months ago, I witnessed a neighbor a few houses down beating the living crap out of his approx 8 month old labrador retriever. Now, I will admit that my labrador retriever receives a few swats on the butt with a rolled up newspaper from time to time. The psychological efforts some preach did not work with him - he behaves when the newspaper comes out (he was an alpha dog as a puppy). But that's the extent of it - a few swats. Well, the neighbor vigorously punched his puppy with his bare hands and fists over and over. I almost vomited watching. I turned him in to the animal cops because it was so horrific.

Yep - there is a big difference between spankings and beatings. Mikal - that's almost a whole blog topic in itself! :-)