November 21, 2004
NO NEED FOR AN APOLOGY
There's a new play out there that's nearly foolproof (unless of course your name is Ron Artest; but hey, that's a topic for another post at another time). It's a perfectly designed play, and it can make nearly anyone happy... and best of all... it works in any sport. What's this play called, you may be wondering? Why of course, it's "The Apology". "The Apology" can turn a Super Bowl halftime show into broadcasting history. It can turn an assault on one's coach into a year's vacation followed by years of enough big-time money to feed a small country, but not enough to feed one man's family. (I apologize, Latrell Sprewell, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Do you forgive me?)
You know "The Apology", don't you? It made Marv Albert an announcer again, Ray Lewis a "good guy" again, and some day if it might even squeak Pete Rose into the Baseball Hall of Fame. The only problem is that now, the general public has heard ësorryí so many times that no matter what happens, right or wrong, athletes and networks turn to "The Apology", because it is easier than standing up for oneself.
So, after last week's Monday Night Football introduction featuring naked "Desperate Housewife," Nicollette Sheridan jumping into the arms of the Philadelphia Eaglesí Terrell Owens, the NFL called a time out of its own and said that what ABC did was too risquÈ for prime time television. The immediate response: an apology in the form of a statement from the network:
"We have heard from many of our viewers about last night's 'MNF' opening segment, and we agree that the placement was inappropriate."
What ABC should have said, though, was something like this...
"We've heard from conservative America, whose shallow take on our country lends more importance to lost family values and media images rather than the real issues of the world. We realize how the bare back of an attractive woman might upset them. But we don't apologize; we aren't sorry, and no matter what the media says, we know there are plenty of people out there who agree that this whole thing is ridiculous. (And oh, by the way, we'd like to thank Ron Artest and the Indiana Pacers for taking the focus off of this issue. We'll be showing that footage over and over again on all of our stations, including ESPN, which our parent company, Disney, just so happens to own.)"
But ABC didn't say that. Instead, the Disney-owned network buckled under the pressure, and just like that (with the exception of the possibility of meaningless fine) the problem is solved ... for them.
For everyone else, however, the USA takes another step backward as the First Amendment right to freedom of expression becomes less and less a right to speech and more of a figure of speech. It forces guys like Howard Stern, only the most popular voice on radio today, to move to satellite radio so his shtick can be heard uncensored. It moves television back a few decades toward the days when Lucy and Desi slept in separate beds or when Mike and Carol Brady met only after they were both widowed because divorce was not something ready for prime time. (For those of you who are wondering, those weren't the good old days; those were the days of naivetÈ.)
The truth is, "Desperate Housewives," however exaggerated for dramatic effect, is closer to reality and, uh, last time I checked, it was a huge fricken hit. There are no apologies from ABC for the show, which runs on Sundays on the same network, but when mixed for 30 seconds with football and it becomes national news, all of the sudden an apology is in order.
You know who should have apologized after last Monday night's game? The Dallas Cowboys should have been made to apologize, because they really stunk it up at home against the Eagles. And if you don't agree, I apologize.
Posted by Mikal at November 21, 2004 11:38 PM
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