October 2, 2006
MY APOLOGIES
For the past 10 days or so, Jewish people all across the globe have been observing what is commonly referred to as The High Holy Days... a time of year when they are meant to reflect upon and examine the relationship they have with other, and where they attempt to right past wrongs, as well as ask for forgiveness for the intentional and unintentional wrongs they know they've committed. This year's version of The High Holidays officially kicked into high gear on the 23rd of September with the marking of Rosh Hashanah (that's the Jewish New Year, by the way), and ends this evening at sundown (6:07 p.m. here in Orem) with the winding down of Yom Kippur, otherwise known as The Day of Atonement.
Many people have heard that Jews choose to fast i.e., not eat any food for around 24+ hours or so, on Yom Kippur, which is exactly what I'm in the midst of doing this morning (no food, only water--since dinner last night).
As a child, I was taught that the intention of fasting was not to torture or punish myself for sins I committed. Rather, fasting was supposed to help me to transcend my physical nature so that I could connect with the most unselfish aspect of myself. I was also taught that praying without concern for food would allow me to completely focus on my prayers, but I never prayed, at least not in the traditional sense.
Well, to be honest about it, for me, ever since I was old enough to create meaning for myself, the fasting (read: the extreme hunger) has served as an intense reminder of all that I have done wrong in the past year, and thatís exactly why I choose to do it again today. The fasting reminds me that I must hold myself accountable for all of my actions, misdeeds included.
As I shared last year, these last 12 months has been remarkable ones. I've had the opportunity to interact with, and be a part of, so many different lives. For most, I know for certain that I was a positive influence... I was someone who was fully engaged and supportive. For others though, well, quite frankly, I'm sure I was not.
So here it is (and I assure you that just because this is being shared in such an open forum, these words are not hollow ones)... If I offended you over the last year with any of my actions, motives, or words, please accept my apology. I'm a work in progress, and some days, especially today, I wonder if the work will ever be done.
As always, thanks for reading this post, as well as for being a part of my life, and for allowing me to be a part of yours. Sincerely, if I have upset you, please know that I am sorry and that I am committed to being more mindful of all of my actions (and reactions, too).
Posted by Mikal at October 2, 2006 8:26 AM
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Well, being that the LDS Church General Conference (big deal here in Mormon-heavy Utah) has just wrapped up, I would like to mention part of a talk given by Elder Bednar (the newest and youngest Apostle).
His talk was about taking offense toward the actions of others. He went on to mention that whether or not we are offended is a choice that we make.
So... Mikal, if you have offended me in anyway, I apologize for taking offense. ;)
Raised a Catholic, I admire people of any faith who take the time and effort to self-sacrifice and contemplate on the effects of their words and actions and on the bigger things in life.
I'm no longer actively involved in the Catholic church, but one of the sacraments I miss most is confession. Saying my sins out loud was painful, but afterwards, I always felt a little lighter. Confession really did remove the burden.
To bear your soul in such a way is admirable. Your life seems to propel itself by sheer forward motion. You are to be commended, as I remember several similar "situations in life", or sitz en laben, to use a German Christian theological term, you have encountered and have welcomed.
I'm glad that these last 12 months HAVE (not "has" as you wrote!) been rewarding. You certainly make things happen. And while you haven't offended me in the last 12 months, you could have written to me during my prison stint.
