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February 28, 2006

EITHER OR AND WHY #5

Here's the latest installment of 'Either Or and Why' (with the "Why' part always being optional). If you'd like more information on how 'Either Or and Why' started, or how it's intended to work, please click here.

You choose... Either Or and Why?

1. Favorite Color or Favorite Number?
2. Shower in the Morning or Shower in the Evening?
3. The Grand Canyon or The Great Pyramids of Egypt?
4. White Pages or Yellow Pages?
5. Doll House of Tree House?
6. When you were 13 years old or when you were 23 years old?
7. French Toast or Bacon & Eggs?
8. Don Knotts or Don Cheadle?
9. Your Mother's Cooking or Your Own?
10. Long Sleeves or Short Sleeves?

If you would like to post this week's 'Either Or and Why' on your web site or blog, simply copy and paste the following code into your site's content management system, and please consider referencing this site as the original source:

<ol><li> Favorite Color or Favorite Number?
<li> Shower in the Morning or Shower in the Evening?
<li> The Grand Canyon or The Great Pyramids of Egypt?
<li> White Pages or Yellow Pages?
<li> Doll House of Tree House?
<li> When you were 13 years old or when you were 23 years old?
<li> French Toast or Bacon & Eggs?
<li> Don Knotts or Don Cheadle?
<li> Your Mother's Cooking or Your Own?
<li> Long Sleeves or Short Sleeves?
</ol>

Posted by Mikal at 7:08 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 27, 2006

THE APPRENTICE: COMPELLING BUT NOT AUTHENTIC

Tonight marks the return of Mark Burnett's and Donald Trump's The Apprentice, an award-winning reality television show which serves corporate America's needs just as much as it does my own desire for something new on TV to complain, err... I mean, blog about. Here are my thoughts on the massive contradiction that is Donald Trump's The Apprentice:

Contradiction Number One - Salary: In Trump's version of The Apprentice (not to be confused with Martha Stewart's, which is now off the air), contestants--all of whom have had considerable business success of their own in the real world--vie for one spot to work for the Trump Organization for one year as a $250,000 salaried apprentice. I'm sorry, but no company in their right mind would pay an ëapprenticeí Two Hundred and Fifty grand per year to do a job they've never held before. I say, pay the winner something more like $65k for the year. The reality is that the winner always gets a book deal worth thousands upon thousands of dollars (along with a ghost writer to pen it), as well as speaking gigs worth just as much. Given the popularity of the show and the personal and professional leverage it brings to each of the contestants who appear on screen, I seriously doubt that a reduction in salary would impact the show's casting calls. Take the remaining $185k and donate it to a deserving charity.

Contradiction Number Two - Related Experience: In Trump's version of The Apprentice, contestants do everything BUT participate in challenges related to the business of the Trump Organization itself. From hawking Sam's Club memberships to organizing photo shoots for high-end luxury automobiles, the show's contestants supposedly demonstrate their value to a company that's in the business of buying, selling, and developing high-end real estate, yet they never work on any serious real estate-related projects as a part of the competition for the job. While it certainly makes for compelling television, it's a massive contradiction in terms. Why on earth would you not test for real estate-related knowledge, acumen, and savvy? Which brings me to the next pointÖ

Contradiction Number Three - Role Model: Trump spends a lot of airtime during the show lecturing the contestants about business success. Maybe I'm missing something here, but Donald Trump is one of the last people on earth we should ever take business advice from. The reality is that by 1990, Trump ran his own business into bankruptcy, and banks and bondholders lost hundreds of millions of dollars because of his poor business decisions. In the wid-90s, he combined his casino holdings into a publicly held company, but by 1998 that company had remained profitless and struggled to pay just the interest on its nearly $2 billion in debt, causing investors to once again experience catastrophic losses. There's no doubt that Donald Trump's a great front man. His name is recognizable and his celebrity status affords opportunities the rest of us can only dream of. But to position Trump as a business leader or as someone who has demonstrated the type of success which allows him to spout off at the mouth about how to run a successful business... itís nothing more than smoke and mirrors and the Easter Bunny!

Still though, I'll be tuning in tonight--and probably every other Monday night for the next few months--because The Apprentice *is* compelling. It's not compellingly authentic like Bravo's Project Runway or CBS's Survivor or Amazing Race, but The Apprentice *is* fodder for blogging, so I'll watch, even if it means I'll be screaming at the television just as loud as The Donald screams voiced over project instructions to his candidates.

Posted by Mikal at 8:18 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 25, 2006

According to an e-mail message I just received, it was recently discovered that I stand to inherit $13.5 Million from a distant relative... a chap named Mohamed Kamal Yasser who died in a tragic plan crash. Think I'm making this up? No way. Here's the e-mail message where it very clearly explains the entire situation:

FROM THE DESK OF STEVEN LEE

URGENT INHERITANCE CLAIM

I know this proposal will come to you as a surprise especially when you do not know the writer, considering the huge sum of money involved which could make any apprehensive. Let me start by introducing myself to you.

I am Steven Lee, the head of accounting department of my bank, where am presently working. I saw your contact during my private search at the information centre here in my country chamber of commence and industry and i want to believe that you will be very honest, committed and capable of assisting in this business venture.

Firstly, let me explain the source of this funds and what you are expected to do. A foreigner late Mohamed Kamal Yasser, oil merchant/contractor, until his death, over the past years ago, was a victim of an Egyptian airline flight 990 plane crash.

The deceased, Mohamed Kamal Yasser, banked with us and has a closing balance as a July 2000 worth $45m (forty five million USD). Which my bank, now expects a next-of-kin to claim as the beneficiary of the funds, efforts has been made by my bank directors to get in touch with the Mr. Mohamed Kamal Yasser's Family or relative but to no success based on the perceived possibility of not being able to locate Mohamed Kamal's next-of-kin, the management under the influence of our chairman and the board of directors are making arrangements for the funds to be declared unclaimed and channeled to an unknown account.

It is based on this that we have contacted you to stand as the next-of-kin of late Mohamed Kamal Yasser so that the funds will be released and paid into your account as the beneficiary and the next-of-kin to the deceased.

All documents, and proof to enable you get the funds have been carefully worked out as we have secured from the different offices concerned for the smooth transfer of the fund to your nominated account.

It has been agreed that the owner of the account will be compensated with 30% of the remitted funds, while we keep 65% and 5% will be set aside to offset expenses both locally and international.

If this proposal satisfies you, please reach me through my direct email address for more information and also send me your contact telephone and fax number including your cell phone number for quick and easy communication.

I await your urgent response, all the best and god bless you.

Yours faithfully,

Steven Lee.

First of all, my Uncle Yasser is not dead. He's right here, sitting on my couch, reading Al Franken's latest book, The Truth, With Lies, while sipping on a diet Pepsi with ice (he just loves visiting the United States).

But seriously, is there actually a human being alive today who would fall for a scam like this? I suppose the sad reality is that there is, otherwise scammers and fraudsters wouldn't be taking the time to mail millions and millions of copies of fraudulent e-mail offers to everyone with a valid e-mail address/heartbeat.

How sad.

February 24, 2006

Q1 - Birthdays: How many different birthdays do you have committed to memory, and aside from using your own noggin, how do you keep track of all the others?

Q2 - Seaport Security: A government-owned company in the United Arab Emirates volunteered late yesterday afternoon to delay its $6.8 Billion takeover of most operations at six U.S. seaports. The delay allows President George W. Bush time to convince skeptical members of the U.S. Congress that the deal poses no security risks. What's your feeling on this... should the United States government allow a company based in Dubai to manage seaports in Baltimore, Philadelphia, Miami, New Orleans, New York, and Newark?

Q3 - Telephones: Regardless of whether you use just a cell phone or a cell phone and a land line at home, does 'Voice over IP' (VoIP) technology have you thinking about switching or adding a land line at home? (In case you've never heard of VoIP, it allows for the routing of voice conversations over the Internet or any other IP-based network, and it's supposed to be a lot cheaper than paying the old-school phone companies for telephone service.)

Q4 - 2006 Winter Olympics: Have you been watching the 2006 Winter Olympics on television? If so, which events have you enjoyed the most? If not, why?

February 23, 2006

Today is my Mother's birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom!

As many of our Mothers are, mine's a survivor, and on so many different levels. From running a 14-room B&B almost single-handedly and raising three kids virtually all on her own, to living under the rule of a husband who--for almost 20-years--was at his best a royal pain the you-know-what to live with, my Mother has not only persevered, she has thrived. From as far back as I can remember, she's told me that all the things I marvel at about her are really no big deal... she says it's all spelled out in the "Mommy Contract."

According to my Mother, the Mommy Contract spells out exactly what a Mommy can and must do in order to raise a well-rounded son. Over the years I've come to learn that most of the Mommy Contract's clauses and ammendments are written in a language that only Mommies can understand, and that the words are written in tiny print. For example, in very the same paragraph where it says that Mothers have the right to tell their children what to do "just because they say so," (sound familiar to anyone?) it also clearly states that Mommies have an obligation to love their children under any and all circumstances, even if they do really stupid things like push and prod their Mothers to the point where Mothers have no choice but to drag their sons by the arm, kicking and screaming along the way, out of public places like, oh I dunno, say restaurants, malls, beauty salons, supermarkets, and department stores.

In the same section of the Mommy Contract where it says Mothers have the right to make sure little boys clean their rooms, eat their peas, and take out the trash just because they say so, it also clearly states that the Mommy is obligated to love their sons unconditionally, no matter how many utterly stupid and mind-boggling decisions they may make, like, oh I dunno, things like driving two-wheeled motorized vehicles while in college without a license, or getting drunk and trying to impress college girls by telling them your Mother runs the Waldorf Astoria (as opposed to single-handedly running a 14-room B&B).

Yes, it's all clearly laid out in the small print in the Mommy Contract. Other clauses include:

1. Always remind your son to tell airline pilots to "drive safely," even if in this post-9/11 world we live in today, saying so by sticking your head in the cockpit of a commercial airliner could get you kicked off the plane.
2. Mommies are allowed to gossip, you cannot.
3. Mommies can tell little white lies to protect little boys and grown menís feelings; little boys, teenagers, and grown men can not tell little white lies to their Mothers, ever.
4. Mommies are allowed to eat as many peanut M&M's as they want; their sons may not, especially if attempting to do so involves mooching off their Mother's hidden stash.
5. Mommies are allowed to change their minds about anything at any given point in time, no questions asked; little boys, teenagers, and grown men may do the same, but it's expected that they'll check with the Mommy first.
6. Mommies are allowed to drive automobiles at whatever speed they wish, even if it scare the bejesus out of their son's friends who just so happen to be sitting in the back seat of the rental car the Mother is driving; son's on the other hand must adhere to their Mother's rules--despite how antiquated they may be--whenever she's a passenger in their car.

As I'm sure you can tell, the list of clauses and amendments to the Mommy Contract is never ending. In fact, you should feel free to add your own by using the "Comments" link below--which by the way seems to be temporarily broken, but I hope to have that fixed by the end of the day.

To my Mommy, whose birthday is today, and whom I love very much, thank you for signing the Mommy Contract. No one could ever accuse you--as far I'm concerned--of breaching any part of the agreement. You are my hero on so many different levels. Keep on fighting the good fight, and again... Happy Birthday!

February 17, 2006

Q1 - Pictures: When was the last time someone took a picture of you, and what were you doing? If you can't remember, then when was the last time you took a picture, and what was it of?

Q2 - Vice President Cheney: Texas authorities have already cleared U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney of any wrongdoing over last weekend's incident in which he shot, i.e., ìpeppered pretty well,î a 73-year-old hunting companion in the face. Do you feel the White House and Mr. Cheney himself acted appropriately in their handling of the incident?

Q3 - Real Estate: Do you feel real estate agents' commissions are justified?

Q4 - Best Friends: Who was your first bestest friend, and, are you still friends with them? If you're not in touch with your first best friend, do you keep in touch with anyone you knew--aside from family--when you were between the ages of five and ten?

February 10, 2006

Q1 - Overcome: Name one physical challenge you'd like to accomplish before you die?

Q2 - Fuel: Twenty (20) years from now, what do you think you'll be using to fuel your car: Gasoline, Hydrogen, Ethanol, Biodiesel, a Hybrid System, or something else entirely?

Q3 - Poking Fun: Cartoons first published in a Danish newspaper last fall, then reprinted in other publications across Europe in recent weeks, have sparked outrage across the Islamic world. From a cartoon image depicting Muhammad wearing a turban crafted into the shape of a bomb with a lit fuse, to another showing the seventh-century prophet standing in heaven telling a line of suicide bombers to stop because "We've run out of virgins," the cartoons hold nothing back in terms of poking fun at Muslims. Do you feel the newspapers in question were justified in publishing these cartoons? If so, would your opinion change if highly offensive cartoons related to some aspect of your own religion were published in your hometown newspaper?

Q4 - Cell Phones: How many different cell phones have you owned, and what was the reason for switching to the one youíre using now?

February 8, 2006

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are simply not enough, remember the Mayonnaise Jar and the Coffee...

A mild-mannered professor stood before his graduate level philosophy class. On a table in front of him were a number of items in front. When the class began, without saying a word, he picked up a very large, industrial-size empty mayonnaise jar, and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked his students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly, allowing all the pebbles to roll into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked his students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked the students once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous and resounding "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured both into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your religion, and the things you're most passionate about--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car."

"The sand is everything else--the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes of golf. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and asked what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

February 3, 2006

Q1 - Have You: Ever attempted to put together your family tree? If so, how far back were you able to go? If not, would you like to put one together?

Q2 - Would You: Like it if first-run movies were released on DVD and/or Pay-Per-View at the same time as they are released in theatres? If so, do you think you would watch more movies at home, or would you continue to see first-run movies only in the theatre?

Q3 - Should You: See a doctor more often? If so, what's stopping you? If not, how often do you have a check-up or physical?

Q4 - Could You: Survive living on the streets of your town for an entire month with no access to any of your money or other assets? Why or why not?