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December 29, 2006

FOUR FOR FRIDAY

Q1 - Multitasking: Eighty percent of us claim to be multitaskers, and nearly two-thirds of all multitaskers consider themselves good at it. How about you...are you a multitasker? If so, do you multitask by choice or design?

Q2 - Federal Closings: Yesterday, President George W. Bush declared that Tuesday, January 2, 2007, will be a National Day of Mourning here in the U.S. after the death earlier this week of former U.S. President Gerald Ford. In doing so, President Bush ordered all government agencies and departments to close on Tuesday, except for offices essential to national security. In your opinion, do you think federal employees should have the day off from work because of the death of President Ford?

Q3 - Who's on First: For the second time in the last 10 days, a powerful storm has dumped major amounts of snow on Denver, Colorado, and Denver International Airport (DIA). Nearly 5,000 airline passengers were stranded at DIA during a 45-hour closure last week, and when the airport reopened, many of those stranded passengers found themselves waiting even longer to board planes because new passengers arriving at the airport were given preference for flights. Do you think grounded passengers should be first in line for the first available flights, or is it okay for new passengers booked on new flights to have preference over grounded passengers?

Q4 - Calendar: Do you have a 2007 calendar? If so, is it the kind with pictures on one side and the previous month on the backside, or is it a desk calendar, sans pictures? If a picture calendar, what is its theme? If you do not have a 2007 calendar, do you plan to buy one or are you not the calendar type?

Posted by Mikal at 12:16 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

December 25, 2006

HAPPY CHRISTAHANUKWANZAKAH

Continuing the trend of large-scale mergers, acquisitions, and strategic alliances, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa would merge. An industry source (a jolly fella named Shlomo "Tyrone" OíConnor) tells the BeliBlog that the deal has been in the works for about 1,300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the over-head cost of having twelve days of Christmas, eight days of Chanukah, and seven days of Kwanzaa was becoming prohibitive for all sides. By combining forces, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Sixteen Days of CHRISTAHANUKWANZAKAH (pronounced Christa-Hana-Kwanza-Kah), as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords-a-leaping and maids-a-milking being the hardest hit.

As part of the conditions of the agreement, letters of the popular Hanukkah toy "dreidel," currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to an even wider audience, and will be painted with the traditional Pan-African colors of red, black and green. Also, instead of translating to "A Great Miracle Happened Here," the message on the dreidel will be the more generic, "Miraculous Stuff Just Happens, You Know What I'm Sayin'."

In exchange, it is believed that the worldís ëchosen peopleí will be allowed to use Kris Kringle and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering gifts (an e-commerce component to the deal, supported on the backend by Amazon.com, is still in the works). In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least 30 years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa, even after having eaten norovirus-laden Olive Garden and Taco Bell meals for dinner. A breakthrough came earlier this year when Fried Okra, Chicken & Sausage Gumbo with Rice, and Collard Greens were finally declared Kosher.

All sides appeared happy about the merger. Shlomo "Tyrone" OíConnor, the newly appointed spokesman for CHRISTAHANUKWANZAKAH, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Eid al-Adha (the Muslim Festival of Sacrifice at the end of Hajj) might be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Hajj, the merger between Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa might indeed have been seen as unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately, for all concerned, he said, Hajj and Eid al-Adha will help maintain the competitive balance.

He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of, "Oy Vey Maria, Yo!"

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DISCLAIMER: This article is satirical. Any use of real names of people, alive or otherwise, is purely accidental and coincidental. Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa are not merging. The creator of the BeliBlog would like to extend seasons greetings to all, and to all a good night (or whichever greeting is most appropriate given your time zone and geographic location). Copyright Š 2006 or earlier - depending on who you ask - by Unknown or perhaps Nathanson, and adapted to work here.

Posted by Mikal at 9:50 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 22, 2006

Q1 - Wealth: In 1982, the year Forbes started publishing its annual list of the 400 wealthiest Americas, the magazine could find only a dozen or so billionaires. This year, The Forbes 400 list includes billionaires only. What is your definition of wealthy?

Q2 - Advertising and Religion: Bahrainian athlete Ruqaya Al Ghasara runs her track & field races wearing a hijab (a full Muslim headscarf). Nike, which sponsors Al Ghasara and is notorious for splashing its logo on everything in sight, somehow managed to get the Nike swoosh emblazoned onto the sides of Al Ghasara hijab. In your opinion, should Nike have stopped short of swooshifying a religious garment, or is Al Ghasara hijab fair game for branding?

Q3 - Asking for Advice: According to a recent survey, most employees are unwilling to turn to their boss for advice on problems at work. In fact, a supervisor was cited by only 11 percent of employees surveyed as a source for workplace advice. More employees rely on a peer, another senior person, or a friend outside the company when searching for advice on work-related issues. How about you? When you are experiencing problems at work, who do you turn to for help or advice?

Q4 - Sleep: While everyone pretty much knows that sleep is vital to our health and well being, millions of us are not getting enough of it, or are suffering from sleep-related problems. For example, surveys conducted by the National Sleep Foundation reveal that 60 percent of adults report having sleep problems a few nights a week or more. In addition, more than 40 percent of adults experience daytime sleepiness severe enough to interfere with their daily activities at least a few days each month. What time did you go to bed last night, and do you think you got enough sleep?

December 15, 2006

Q1 - What Should He Do: A friend of mine found a dollar bill yesterday in the stairwell to our office building. What do you think he should do with it?

Q2 - Name That Town: If you could rename your town, what would you call it and why?

Q3 - Ante Up: To the best of your recollection, what is the most you have ever paid for a meal (either for yourself or for yourself and one other person), and...was it worth it?

Q4 - Fly Away: How many trips, if any, did you take on a commercial airliner in 2006? How does that compare to the amount of air travel you think you will do in 2007?

December 10, 2006

Whenever I mention Costco to a friend of mine, he immediately says, "Oh, Costco. You must mean the store that has come to symbolize the bastardization of what it means to be a wholesaler?" Which in turn has caused me--a card-carrying member--to refer to the venerable chain as:

Corporate and product slogans are all around us. From "Plop, plop, fizz, fizz!..." and "The ultimate driving machine" to "Be all you can be" and "It's everywhere you want to be,î it's nearly impossible to avoid someone else's clever tagline. For some companies, generating slogans is a costly effort, while for others, well, it seems like theirs could only have been generated by The Advertising Slogan Generator (seriously, give it a shot and see for yourself).

Whenever I see a slogan that just doesn't seem right to me, I make up a new one and share it at town hall meeting that gathers inside my head. From now on, rather than keeping such good material to myself, I'll share it here with you, for everyone else to see and comment on. In the meantime, if you have alternative corporate slogans that you'd like to share, leave a comment below. Each week I'll try to post all of the new ones along with my own.

December 8, 2006

Q1 - Payout: Michael Richards, immortalized as Kramer on TV's Seinfeld, was caught on tape last month at a Los Angeles comedy club delivering a racist tirade directed at four African-American hecklers. The hecklers--three men and one woman represented by celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred--have reportedly agreed to meet Richards' (with a retired judge who will serve as a mediator) to accept Richards' apology. If the judge recommends it, do you think Richards' should pay financial damages to the four people he offended? If not, do you think he should make a financial contribution to a race relations-related cause?

Q2 - Time Off: How much time off from work will you be taking between now and the beginning of 2007?

Q3 - Priorities: A recent poll from the Gallup Organization show that Americans want their government leaders to focus on Iraq as the nation's top policy priority. According to Gallup, more than two-thirds of Americans name Iraq in this context, and it is the dominant issue for Republicans as well as Democrats. The economy and healthcare trail far behind, while concerns about immigration and fuel prices are down considerably from earlier this year. What do you feel the U.S. Congress's top priority should be now and in 2007?

Q4 - Favorite "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," "'Twas the Night Before Christmas," "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer," "Frosty the Snowman," "A Charlie Brown Christmas," "The Little Drummer Boy," etc. What is your favorite animated Christmas special?

December 3, 2006

God bless her, my Mother is always forwarding me naive but cute and inspiring email messages. Maybe your Mom does the same thing... they contain copy like, "Forward this message to five people within the next five minutes and you'll receive great fortune within the next 55 minutes." The tip-off that what she's sending is one of these messages is the subject line, which usually contains a double "FW" or "RE."

The latest such message arrived a few moments ago, and true to form, it contained one classic of a subject line: "Fwd: FW: 2 Choices." Normally, for lack of time, tolerance, or interest, I just skim through these messages, but this morning I decided to read one from top to bottom, and thought I'd share it's inspirational message with all of you. But before I do, I have to issue one warning:

Don't any of you go off and leave some smarmy comment about how divine intervention or some other bull-hockey like that made me read and then post this message here. Truth is, it's Sunday afternoon, I am sitting in my office, and I'm avoiding some work I need to do on account of being out of the office later this week for two days of company retreats. Honestly, I'd rather read Tolstoy's "War and Peace" than be working right now, and so my Mother's forwarded email message just happened to be slightly more accessible.

What would you do? You make the choice! Don't look for a punch line; there isn't one! Read it anyway. My question to all of you is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet, my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child.î Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, ěDo you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all teammates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home! Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.

Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

And now, a little footnote to the story: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people on your address list that aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things." So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up that opportunity to brighten the day of those with us the least able, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

December 1, 2006

Q1 - Already Seen: Do recall your last experience with deja vu? If so, what was it about? If not, what was the focus of the last dream you can recall?

Q2 - I Spy: According to the University of Indiana, on average, adults blow their noses about forty-five times during the first three days of a cold. Do you look (and don't act like you don't know what I mean when I say "look") when you blow your nose?

Q3 - Shopping: What percentage of your 2006 holiday shopping do you plan to do online, and how does that compare to last year?